When all else fails, you still have family

As my astrological forcast predicted, I have had one heck of a year so far.. fingers crossed though.. we're coming up quickly to November when hopefull I will no longer be "mentally disturbed."

In the past, whenever I've had an emotional meltdown and needed a shoulder to cry on, I had a boyfriend who would listen to me vent and rub my shoulders to relieve my stress. It always helped, and it was a good feeling, knowing I would have someone like like to turn to when I thought I was going crazy.

Since my breakup with my last seriouls boyfriend, I've never felt more alone. Having to do all these things on my own while trying to hold myself together emotionally has been.. well.. a roller coaster ride.

Only recently did I come to the realization that no matter where I am in life, even if my heart has recently been broken, if a close friend has died, I will ALWAYS have my family. I never have to second guess that they will be there for me. They know me, they know my strengths, weaknesses, and dreams.

I've somehow always overlooked them. But it's one of the best feelings to know that I have them, and always will.

A big THANKS to my family. Couldn't do it without you.

These are a few of my favorite things.....

There are few things in this world that still make me genuinly smile. On the top of that list is my nephew, Jackson. I was there when he was born, held him in the hospital and cried and cried and cried. I fell in love from the first moment I saw him. As he started growing up, he and I grew closer and he started calling me "Aunt Bebe", since he couldn't pronounce my actual name yet. He would always ask my sister when I was coming over next and sometimes I'd receive a call on my cell from him, just calling to say hi (in his 2 year old voice of course)

On my birthday, I was sitting at work and received a call from my sister.. I answer... and hear Jackson singing Happy Birthday to me in his beyond adorable voice. I LOVED it.

For now, i'm not ready to have kids of my own... but man oh man am I glad I have him around to make me smile.

A growing trend in the Seattle area..

Women crying while driving. It's the weirdest thing! I've seen 4 women crying while driving in the past few weeks. It's probably not healthy that my first thought each time was "I bet some asshole just broke up with her, or she caught him cheating on her" Healthy? No. Realistic? Damn straight.

Just wanted to bring this out in the open in case it turns into some new fad.

Alzheimer's Association Memory Walk 2007

So I found out about 2 years ago that my Grandma was in Stage 2 or 3 of Alzheimer's Disease. Well, it's 2 years later, and she's now in stage 6. It moved fairly quickly with her. My grandpa took care of her as long he could on his own, but we now have her in an Alzheimer's home in Wenatchee, close to my Uncle. I saw her for Appleblossom in Wentachee, in May. She wasn't doing well. Didn't remember my sisters husband, didn't remember me graduating from Highschool (5 years ago), and was barely eating. I went to see her with my mother, about a month ago, in her new home. I braced myself as much as I could, knowing it would be difficult to see her in such a state that I wasn't used to seeing her in. I did ok as we walked in. The minute I saw her, and saw how happy she was to see us, I burst into tears. I tried to hide it from her, since I didn't want to upset her, but it was difficult to hold back. She was scared to be in there, and was asking my mom and I if we were there to take her home. She was walking around with a picture of her and my grandpa, tucked into the top of her shirt. I could tell she hated being there, and was scared to be alone.

This is probably one the of saddest moments of my life, to see my grandma scared and knowing I could do nothing about it. My mom and I made the most of our visit with her. Had her give us a tour of the facility, and had her play some interactive games with the other residents. At first she wouldn't play, saying "Oh no, Honey, I never play. I prefer to just watch." My mom came back quickly with, "Mom, we're not leaving until you play one game!"

I told her I'd play with her. They were playing some lawn dart game, where the resident was asked to throw the soft toy dart at a cloth dart board, on the floor. Once she started playing, she got into it. Dancing, doing the hokey pokey and whooping butt! It was nice to see her having fun, and not crying.

I vowed that I would visit her as much as I could this year, since she's moving quickly through the disease.

Since I can't be up there as much as I would like to be, I wanted to find a way to help out from here. I found the Alzheimer's Association online, and stumbled accross their 2007 Alzheimer's Association Memory Walk, and knew I had to sign up.

I'm doing this walk to help raise money for a cure for Alzheimer's Disease. Watching someone close to you go through this, is one of the hardest things to go through, and I want to do evrything I can so that others will never have to go through it.

If you would like to help a great cause, please go to my website and sponsor me. This fundraiser means a lot to me and my family, so you're help is greatly appreciated.

Thanks, Guys.

Won't do it anymore

Craig called me lastnight. I had just woken up from a nap, and wasn't sure if I should answer it or not. I answered it. (I'm such a sucker) He didn't even mention the other night at his work. He asked me to come see him tonight at his work and come get a drink. I told him I probably wouldn't be coming in anymore, and explained how uncomfortable I was the other night. I know that he feels bad about all this, and I know he's really disappointed as well.. so I can't really be mad at him. But it still hurts to know that even though we had this awesome chemistry (twice!) it still would never work as long as she's around and calling him for help. Example: 4th of July, I had told him about a week prior that I was going rafting down the Snoqualmie River and that if he didn't have anything else to do, he should come with cause it's so much fun. He said he may come, but I never heard a final verdict. I thought it would have been nice to see him and spend time with him again. After rafting, I noticed I had a missed call from him. I called him back, and for some reason he told me he had to call me back in a few. Never heard from him again that night. Why, you ask? Turns out, when I called him, he was actually at the hospital with Eleana, because she had drank too much alchohol, and her friend called Craig. Of course he's the only person in the area who cares about her enough to take care of her. My take on this: He's told me several times that she wants to get back together with him. He's been upfront with both her and I by saying that he does not want to get back together with her. My thought is that she knows he and I want something, and she also knows that he still cares about her to the point of being there whenever she needs someone. She's old enough to know when to stop drinking. I bet you she was pounding beers and thinking "It's ok if I get too drunk, Craig can always take care of me" and that pisses me off. She is literally the block between me and Craig having anything. And the worst part about it, is she is telling him "how bad she feels for me, that I have been put in the middle of this, and I seem like suuuch a sweet girl- she feels she should write me a heart felt letter appologizing because i don't deserve any of this" Craig told me about this letter she wants to write, when I was talking to him last night. I calmly told him to pass along the message that I'd rather if she didn't write me a note, that i'm just tired of it all, and I think the best thing for me to do to help the situation is to take a step back and let them work out their stuff. This of course, sucks for me, but such is life.

We ended the conversation lastnight with him saying "Well, anytime you want to come visit me, please don't hesitate, I really would love to see you again." In which I responded "Ok, thanks. I'll talk to ya sometime."

Ahhhh the joys of the single world.

Remember that "Good Guy"?

And remember how last time it didn't work out because his ex had issues, and he wanted to help her?? Well i'm suddenly feeling a bit of deja vu.
She, once again, is going through some tough stuff.. (Convenient.) and he once again cannot have anything with me becuase he needs to be there for her and it wouldn't be fair to me.

Am I being cursed for something?? I really feel like this is just plain unfair. It's unfair that he would do this to me again, because now that it's happened twice.. I don't think I could do it again. Here's what really toppped all of this off. I worked late last night, then went to his work to visit him and get a drink. (He's a bartender.) I'm sitting there, it's kinda awkward after him saying he really likes me but can't have anything... but we're still chatting and enjoying each others company.. Then the door opens... and in walks...... his ex.
My heart sank. He says some crap like "Look at me, i'm being so rude.. Elena, this is Brittany, Brittany, this is Elena." We both did the "Hi, nice to meet you" (Even though you know I'm not a fan of you)
Well, as much as I wanted to, I couldn't just leave, that would be too obvious. So I sat there, and tried to act normal. I couldn't help but notice that she was literally staring at me half the time! It had to have been one of the most uncomfortable and dissapointing moments I've had lately.
I finished my drink, and calmly said "Ok Craig, I gotta go, Stephanie is waiting for me, we're going to go see a movie" He looked concerned, and i'm sure he felt bad. He tried talking me into having "just one more glass of wine" but I insisted that I had to get going. Calmly walked out, got into the elevator, and just starting crying. Did he know she was going to be there? Was this his plan?

I cried all the way home, and started to feel sick to my stomach. I assumed he would call or text me asking if I was ok with what all happened, but nothing. Still haven't heard from him. I'm not calling him either, I'm just going to let it be. They are obviously still talking and I wouldn't want to get involved in their confusing mess.

All in all, not a good night. Still feel sick thinking about it today.

I need a drink.

A note to women everywhere..

I went in to my favorite consinement shop, Platos Closet, over the weekend, since I hadn't been there in a few weeks, I knew there had to be tons of new clothes brought in!

I always have a great shopping experience there, the employees are friendly and always remember me when I come in. One male in particular is always so sweet to me, this cute gay guy who looooves his clothes. So I'm shopping, tried on maybe 15 things, found what I wanted and I'm ready to check out. There's a new girl at the checkout counter. I'd say she was probably about 19 years old. Seemed friendly enough as she stamped my frequent shopper card. But it's what she said as she was handing me my bag, that turned my great shopping experience sour.

"Here you are Hon."

Did she just call me hon??? How old is she? 19?

My thoughts:

If you are going to call someone anything along the lines of honey or hon.... you better be older than me, with more life experience, otherwise, it's like you're talking down to me, and I won't be a fan of you.

A note to women everywhere, please consider this when talking to another woman. It may save you from making an enemy when you least expect it.

My free of charge therapy...

I never watched Sex and the City when it was actually on TV.
About 3 years ago, on Christmas Eve, my ex boyfriend bought me the first season on dvd, thinking I may enjoy it. From there, I was gone.
I grew attached to the characters easily. I related to all of them, in different ways.

Charrie: hopeless romantic, very philosophical, making humor out of the awkward moments in life. Charlotte: Sweet and innocent, a bit naive, well mannered. Samantha: ok.... we're all a little bit of Samantha. Don't deny it. Miranda: Very independant, sinical, smartass, likes her personal space and alone time.

Once I finished the first season, I went straight to Target and bought the second, knowing it would practically pay for itself with the amount of times I would watch it. Each new season I bought, i rushed home, curled up on the couch, got a glass of Chateau St. Michelle, and watched the whole season in one sitting. Once the credits started rolling for the very last episode, I was in a state of shock. Oh this isn't good.... that's the very last one?? Ever?? I remember feeling like I didn't know what do to with myself, it was bad.

Fast forward a few years later, during the worst breakup i've yet had to experience. I felt lost, deceived and beside myself with anger. I'm not sure what sparked me to put in Sex and the City, but it was the best thing I could have done for myself at that point in time. I found that after each episode ended, I felt better about myself, more confident, and hopeful for the future. Carrie dated a guy named Aiden around the 3rd or 4th season. They were madly in love, moved in together, she thought she found "the one". Turns out he wanted more than she was ready for at the time, and they went through a heartwrenching breakup. But she was eventually ok. She had her friends to rely on, and they helped her through. She saw him a year or so later, holding his new son. They were both happy to see each other, said their hello's, how are you's, and I'm glad you're doing well, take care of yourself. She had survived her heartache, and moved on. Their relationship had always felt like mine and my ex's. They were so close, so madly in love that they didn't want to live without each other, had some hard times but always came back... but in the end it just wasn't enough.

Sometimes you need to realize that other people go through the same thing you may be going through. That things aren't as bad as they may seem, and believe it or not, whatever the situation, it too shall pass.

Sex and the City is totally my free therapy. Works like magic with every episode I watch. I watched some of season 5 last night, before falling asleep on the couch (I'm tellin ya, total granny, its pathetic..) and when I went to bed, turned off the lights, brought my cat to bed, I felt so calm and peaceful.

Need some therapy but can't afford the insane pricing? Go pick up Sex and the City. You'll thank me.

Women at the clubs make me laugh

So a friend of a friend of mine, had her 23rd birthday party at Tabella's in Seattle this last weekend. She instructed before hand that it was to be a Barbie themed party... ok.

So all of us gals dressed in our cutest dresses, curled our hair, and made ourselves gorgous. Whenever I go out with one girlfriend in particular, I always have a blast. We dance until our feet hurt. Have drinks bought for us by cute men, and sometimes make some new friends in the womens bathroom.

However, you can always bet you'll see a clique or two of those "fake, superficial, orange skin, overly white teeth, and fake boobed" girls.

I used to just despise them. Now, I find humor in them. My favorite thing about them, is when I catch them checking themselves out in the large mirrors every 3 minutes. Pretty sure you look the same now than you did 3 minutes ago. I feel like they're more concerned with impressing people than they are with the main reason of going to a club- HAVING FUN!!! Are you really enjoying yourself, being as self concious as you're being? There's no way.

I do my hair and makeup before I go out, yes. But I go out to dance with my girlfriends and laugh at sleazy 30 something men who think the perfect pick up line is: "You must have jsut fallen from heaven, cause, baby, you look like an angel to me." Can I please just quickly tell you what I do to these guys? I tell them I'm from some foreign place. One time it was Africa, last weekend it was Australia. And I make up elaborite details about my life to try and scare them away. Last weekend, I was visitng from Australia, and had just gotten out of jail for murdering my cheating boyfriend and the girl I caught him sleeping with. I can't even explain to you the thrill I get when doing this. And of course, if a nice, presentable guy comes up and is polite enough to buy me a drink, I'll talk to him. I'll give him a chance. I'm just referring to those gross, sleazy, dirtbag guys who honestly think they're taking someone home with them.

But back to the point of my whole rant. Fake conceited girls who's goal in life is to be perfect looking, with the perfect car and annoying dog to match.

Now, I'm comfortable with my body. I've started working out lately, and toning my arms and legs and stomach. I like who I am as a person, I think I'm mature for my age, and I love that I'm known in the office as an "old soul". So why the heck is it that whenever i'm around these girls, I get so intimidated? In all reality, i'm sure they're not all that interesting to have a conversation with. Do they keep up to date with politics? Do they make it a point to voulunteer in their community? Do they even do their own laundry? Who knows! The only image they're giving out, while flashing everyone their little thong at the club, is that they're cheap and easy, and to be honest, probably very insecure. I almost feel bad for them. I imagine them waking up in the morning, looking in the mirror, and saying "Wow, I really am absolutly beautiful. But oh my god, my nose, it's ruining my whole look. That'll be next on my list of things to fix."

Maybe they don't even do that, lol, i don't know. I could just be making that up. But that's the image I get. And I think anyone who obsesses over themselves like that, cannot be truly happy.

My advice: Go take a long walk on some neighborhood trails by yourself, and take time to really think about what makes you happy, and what you want out of life. Do something that you enjoy, and don't worry if it's "nerdy" or "different", it's your life, don't obsess over what other people think. Go to a movie or lunch by yourself. You don't need anyone else to have a good time. If you're comfortable enough with yourself, you should be able to entertain yourself, and not feel self conscious. (Good lesson my mother once taught me.)

Do what makes you truly happy, not what you think others want of you. And for shoots sake, lay off on the bronzer a bit. Believe it or not, it's actually not flattering on you.

Have I actually met an honest to goodness "Good Guy?"

There's this guy that I dated last summer for a little bit, but had lost touch with him, due to his ex girlfriend coming back into the picture. She was having some problems, and he wanted to be with her to help her. I understood, was disapointed, but understood completely.

Well... they broke up a few months ago, and he and I have been talking again.

He's very mellow, doesn't really have any drama or baggage, and doesn't mind driving all the way out to my apt to see me. Like lastnight, he wanted to take me out to some friends birthday party, but I was sooo tired from our Shareholder Meeting at Impart that I asked to take a rain check. He was completely cool with it, and ended up coming over just to watch a half hour of Sex and the City with me. Then just went home. Seriously, this is a good guy. I'm turning into a big fan.

I like being single and all, but its sooooo nice to have someone to talk to. Want to know a secret? There's something my ex boyfriend used to do that would always make my heart melt. We lived together in this old, crappy apartment in Kirkland.. and I'm such a granny that i'm known for falling asleep on the couch by 10pm.. My ex would always turm off the tv, turm off all the lights, pick me up and carry me to bed. Tuck me in and kiss me goodnight. I remember being halfway asleep whenever he'd do this, and i'd always feel so peaceful and happy. Like when your parents would carry you to bed and tuck you in... except then he'd sleep right next to me..

Well the other night, my new guy came over and we were cuddling on the couch, and i was obviously falling asleep on his arm, and he gently picked me up, walked me to my room and placed me in bed. Tucked me in, kissed my forehead, turned out the lights and said he'd call me tomorrow. I love it.

Point of all this?

I'm excited. I like him.

Are we already half way through the year??

It just hit me the other day...IT'S ALMOST JUNE!?!

Remember how I said in an earlier post that my astrology forcast said I would be "mentally disturbed" in 2007? I've gotta tell you, so far, I've never felt so in control of my life. I think that forcast was just bull. I think i've gotten a firm grasp on this whole dating business, and can now go on dates w/o daydreaming of marriage. Good thing to get past I think! But come on, we've all done it! You meet this guy, he seems just so perfect for you. You imagine yourself with his last name. Hmm... Brittany Davidson... that has a nice ring to it, don't ya think? Brittany Johnson... yuck, I don't like that one as much, he must not be the one for me. I ALWAYS do that! It's not like I am even thinking seriously about marrying this so and so, I just get so caught up in the daydreaming aspect of it all. Then when it doesn't work out, and I find out first hand how moronic some guys can be, i'm so dissapointed, as if I just lost my potential "soul mate". Am I the only one that does this?? Well, point of story is, I think so far this year, i'm learning to think more realistically. I've been on a couple first dates and had a good time, but didn't expect anything. Didn't get ahead of myself. And when got home after my couple glasses of Chateau St. Michelle, I wasn't dissapointed. I was content. And I went to the couch with my laptop and worked, while snuggling up with my cat. Yes, I believe content is the word for these types of nights.

This year is serioulsy FLYING by so far, and I absolutly love it! Bring on the dates and the concerts and glasses of Riesling, (not to mention my promotion)! I'm having a blast so far. Bring it on baby!

Wait..... this means that i'm now almost halfway to my highschool reunion.... is there anyway to slow down time now? That'd be great, thanks.

My pet peeve: Children with bad manners...

Have you ever seen the show Super Nanny? It's one of my favorite shows thats out right now. It's about a professional and well educated nanny that comes to the rescue for families in desperate need of help with their ill mannered children.

You seriously should see some of the things these kids get away with, mainly because their parents are too lazy or fed up to deal with it. I don't even want to imagine how tiring 24/7 parenting is.... but I CAN tell you, that I am going to make sure my kids listen to me when I ask them to do something, and if they ignore me, there will be consiquences. Simple as that. If you don't teach them discipline now, how do you think they're going to be as adults?? YIKES!

Yesterday, this kid was aiming rubber bands at me and pretending to shoot them. I told him that's very dangerous, and he could hit me in the face, so he should aim it towards the wall, or someplace where it wouldn't hurt anyone.... and he COMPLETELY ignored me! Just blew it off and shot them towards me. Now, I'm not his parent so I have no right saying anything to him other than, please stop..... But shouldn't he have been taught to listen to adults when they tell him to stop doing something? That just makes no sense to me.

I know I ALWAYS bring my nephew in to my stories, but bear with me here...

Jackson is very well mannered. If I ask him to do something, or stop doing something, for the most part.. he does it right away. He gets it. He KNOWS there will be consiquences because my sister has made sure she follows through with the consequences. She doesn't become lazy about it and blow it off. That's good parenting.

I really think that most people in our society lack good old fashioned manners. I've said it before but it actually ticks me off. It's actually more scary than anything... think about it... what will we all look like 30 years down the road when the lack of teaching manners to our children turns into them not teaching manners and so on and so forth? Scary, huh?

Now don't get me wrong here. I'm not saying that ALL PARENTS are lazy and don't teach basic and extended manners to their children, and seriously, kudos to those who think it's as important as I do.

Here's another example: my ex boyfriend was taught good manner at an early age. His mother did a great job enforcing the importance of them.

Whenever we would walk on the street, out of habit, he would ALWAYS walk on the side closest to the street. He said his mother taught him this because it's safer for the girl to be farthest away from the cars. Also, sometimes if I was driving and asked him to grab my cell phone for me out of my purse, he always felt uncomfortable digging through it, because he said it was rude to look through a woman's purse. WOW. Were any of you taught this?

Seriously!!

Let's keep the tradition of good manners going. Whatdya say?

Can I just say.....

When you really need to get some work done, Classical music is the way to go. Doesn't it help spark creativity in people?

Anywhoo, remember this next time you have a gagillion things to do at work. It's a must.

Now back to Bach.

It's official

I've decided to no longer persue, or have a close friendship with my infatuation.

When we first started hanging out, everything he said felt sincere and extreemly romantic. "You've by far exceeded my expectations on who I thoguht you could be. You have a great personality, a fantasic body and a smile that literally makes me melt, imagine that."

He would continue to tell me how amazing he thought I was and how I caught him off guard and he was falling for me fast. How something about me made him so attracted to me, and for that one of his favorite things to do was look at me.

How could you NOT fall in love with someone telling you this? Especially when he's very smart, and good looking. (In an awkward, nerdy way, but I loved it.) He invited me to Disneyworld with him. (One of the only things that still makes me 100% happy is Disneyland/Disneyworld. It's where I can act like a kid and not be embarassed. It's my heaven, no joke)

He completely swept me off my feet. I was on a fast track to head over heels in love, and I didn't provide myself anything to fall back on. You could say I was a typical girl and set myself up for heartache.

So here I am. I made my own bed on this one.

He no longer tells me sincere compliments. Now it's "you looked hot today. You'd look even hotter in some lingerie." He even informed me yesterday that he can tell i'm gaining weight (which i'm trying to gain 5-10 lbs) but that it's in all the wrong places.....meaning my love handles) Any girl would smack a guy for saying that. Damn me and my overly nice ways.

He'll say he's interested and wants to hang out nothing ever comes out of it. To sum it up, he's breaking my heart. And to keep hanging out with him, would be compromsing myself, and I was taught better by the women in my family.

I called my mom lastnight, since she knows all too well how men can be jerks, and how to get through the heartache. She said it sounded like some girl must have jerked him around one time or another and now he's in revenge mode, and I happen to be one of the lucky girls paying for someone elses actions. Fabulous.

I told him today that he enjoys playing games with people and I feel like he completely set me up, and I just won't do it anymore. He responded with "OK, I'll stop talking to you for good now"

I know this should be relieving to hear, but for some reason it just makes it that much more hurtful. To me, that means, ok she caught on to me that i've been playing head games with her, and she's finally had enough, so i'll give up...

Either way, what this means to me is that I'll no longer be talking to him everyday and texting him all night.

But hey, such is life.

Thanks for the help, mom.

What a difference a day makes

Yesterday felt like the first real day of spring here in Seattle.
It must have been a good 65 degrees. I went and sat out on our balcony for a few minutes to soak it all in. Everyone seemed cheery, and the Ride the Duck tours were in full gear. (They always drive by here and sometimes they'll look up and wave to us on the balcony, always makes me smile.)

I also tied up some loose ends with my infatuation, which felt wonderful. Got some stuff off my chest, and so did he. I'm beginning to understand that he's really not as bad of a guy as I thought, but i'm still going to be cautious, just in case.

I went home after working at the gym, and sat around with some girlfriends watching "The Descent"
Good stuff. We all had a good amount to drink, and pretty sure I almost peed my pants on several occasions. We all went to bed, and I started texting mr. infatuation. It's funny cause I can't really see myself dating him or anything, but I absolutlely go weak when he's close by. It's weird, I hang out with a lot of guys, but just this one in general makes me go into my own world and daydream. Very strange, but i love it.

All in all, yesterday was a great day.

Of course today is cloudy and cold, but at least my daily tarot reading says I have a good day in store for me.

Oh how I hate the dating pool

My mother has been single since she and my dad divorced in 1985.

She reads romance and sci fi novels, travels to Mexico each year with her girlfriends, is addicted to shopping on ebay, and for the most part, leads a relaxed and content life.

I've been testing the waters in the dating pool now for about a year. At times I enjoy it. It's nice to do things on my own, and prove to myself that I can do anything I put my mind to.

It's also nice to go out on several dates and meet new people. (And come on, the free dinner and wine doesn't hurt either!)

Some dates are good. Some... you just have to laugh about, becuase you can't really cry in front of the idiot, who just so happens to be talking about his ex wife who cheated on him and got pregnant with someone elses kid while they were still married..... yikes. Spare me.

One date, the guy even asked me to pay for half the meal, and while riding down the elevaor to the parking garage said "Next time you're so paying for the whole thing, you're an expensive date!"

Which is why all you can do is laugh about it, and enjoy the free food and drinks. (Especially the drinks.)

Whenever my grandparents call me, which I enjoy hearing from them as I only see them about twice a year, the first question that comes out of their mouth is: "How's your boyfriend, dear?" Grandma, you know that (ex's name) and I have been apart for over a year. "Well do you have another boyfriend?" No, Grandma, and i'm perfectly happy being single. "Oh don't worry, you'll find someone soon, and get married and have babies." Oh thank goodness Grandma, I was scared for a second there, but now that you've reassured me... well I feel much better. "Just don't end up like your mom, being single in your 50's is just sad" OK Grandma, got it. How about I just buy 10 more cats, and I can be the creepy cat lady I always dreamed of being??

If you're single, everyone's first reaction is, "Oh well don't worry, you'll find someone soon."

If you're dating someone, it's "You guys have been together for 3 years and he hasn't proposed yet?? I'm sure he will soon.."

If you're married its" "When are you two planning on having children? Don't wait too long! You want to be around for their wedding day, don't you?"

When is it ever enough?

My sister married at 24. (keep in mind, i'm 23) She now has two kids, whom I absolutly adore. She and her husband still show affection to each other, and are very good parents.

As far as I know, my Grandma never pushed her like she does me.

You know what? I'm happy. I'm in no hurry to settle down, being that if I married someone too soon, it would most likely end in divorce anyways, and who am I kidding... I don't have the energy for that crap. (Or the money!!)

To my Grandma: I'm fine, really. And i'm sure I'll meet someone someday who makes me happy. But for now, i'm in no hurry.

PS. Please take down that picture of me and (ex's name) off your refrigerator. I look horrible in it.

Road rage, a good start to a Tuesday morning

So i'm driving on 520 this morning, about to come up to the bridge, and i'm in the very left hand lane. (Always moves the fastest) And this car thats in the very right hand lane zips through both lanes and completely cuts me off, then puts on his brakes, resulting in my brake action.
So I think, screw this, this guy's crazy and there's no way I'm staying behind him.
So I get over one lane, and there's plenty of room in front of him. (Why did he brake?!) I get in front of him. He is SO not happy. Freaking turns on his brights and rides my ass until I take the exit I needed.
I've said this before and I'll say it again. Drivers in Seattle are THE WORST.
What was the point of all that? Did you just have too much coffee this morning? Seriously get a life. Put on some calming music, Bach works for me, and take a big breath in, now out. Breathe through your nose and calm down.

Now, try to drive like a big boy before you cause an accident.

Sleazy like Monday morning.

So lets see, we lost an hour yesterday, it's raining outside, and my pants are still slightly wrinkled.

I love Mondays.

How do we know when to stop?

There's a certain someone that I find myself absolutly infatuated with. I get nervous around him, I can't help smiling when he's around me. And it probably doesn't help that I've been reading nothing but sappy romance novels with steamy scenes..
Here's the problem, after about 3 or so months of "seeing each other" he completely stopped talking to me. One minute, he's coming over to spend the night, the next NOTHING. Now, he's saying how much he's missed spending time with me, and that he does really like me, he's just a big relationship-phobe. I've said before that I'm starting to realize that alot of men are just.. well.. bad news. (To put it lightly.)But for some reason I can't help being more drawn to those guys! It's sooo bad for me and I know it'll just end in heartache... so how do I know when to stop?
Is he just saying these things because I'm a rebound, and the whole time he stopped talking to me, he had someone else wrapped around his finger? Or is he being genuine in saying he's missed me and does actually really like me? Who know's? I've almost given up on trying to read men.
I've been very upfront with him lately, telling him that I like him alot, but that maybe I'm just not the type of girl he's looking for.
I'm not looking for anything serious, like I've said before- between a full time and part time job, while maintaining my personal at home life, I don't have the time or energy for something serious. But even so, have some resspect for the person you're "seeing."

I'm at a loss with what to do.

....must.....stay.....strong.....


I'll update you further.

Aren't we too old for this by now?

If I like a guy, i'm going to show interest. Plain and simple. What's with this stupid high school like game we play with the opposite gender? Call me an old lady but I really don't get it.
I've known this guy for about 8 months now, we'll call him Casey. He's really sweet, likes to cuddle up and watch scary movies (one of my all time favorite things to do) and has proven himself to be a good friend. He even bought me groceries when he heard from my good friend that I wasn't eating enough. He actually came over and lectured me... yikes.
So I sometimes go over to his place, we wach movies, eat some dinner and drink some cheap beer, and usually end up staying the night there. Works out pretty well. He doesn't want anything really serious, and I wouldn't have time for a relationship.
Well, we had plans to hang out last night, and he never called. Was I supposed to call him maybe? He finally text me around 9:30pm...

Casey "Thanks for the movie tonight, it was fun. We should do it again soon."
Me "Excuse me! You never called me!"
Casey "Don't even try it, you have a phone too"
Me: "Still wanna hang out?"
Casey: "I have some stuff to do around the apt, want to reschedule? We can go see a movie another night if you want"

Now this is where I started to write, "K what night are you thinking?"
My friend Jason is sitting next to me, and says something like "What are you doing? You're acting too interested! You have to play the game with him!"
Ok now I used to play this stupid game in Highschool, but thought we were all past this.
So he told me to just write back "sure"
Wow, how annoying, now I have to wait for him to call me... fan-freakin-tastic.

Britney has officially ruined my name

It's in the news evertwhere. "Britney Spears officially gone crazy, shaves her head."

Ok, so you may all say she's completely gone nutso and is not fit to be a mother of two. But I can't help but think... this poor girl! Try imagining what she's going through. She falls madly in love with Kevin Federline, they marry and she hopes to start a family. Every felt that before? Love's a pretty powerful thing! She quickly turned from Pop princess to white trash queen, thanks to her new money mooching, non talent husband. But point being- She loves him, and when you love someone you are willing to change things about yourself to make that person happy. They have their first baby, she decides to be an idiot and drive with her newborn in her lap. Ok, I'm not a mother yet, but really? Pretty sure that's called commen sense. So maybe it wasn't her time to have kids, but can you not agree that most likely her time clock went off and she just wanted to start a family and feel companionship?

So things didn't work out with the love of her life, and here she is raising 2 kids that most likely resemble her ex husbands ghetto fabulous looks. She's completely heartbroken, while still being in the press. WOW, ok if this were me, i'd check my own damn self into the nearest Psychiatric hospital.

I've never been a huge fan of hers, especially since my name has gone from teenie bopper status to a white trash head shaving joke. (I received a call yesterday from one of our sales guys saying "you didn't shave your head did you? Hope you're not following her lead!")

But I stand by my opinion when I say that she's just gone through too damn much and needs family time again, as well as much needed hours of therapy to let everything out.

I honestly hope she comes out of this being a much better person and a strong mother. We should all just leave her alone already.

Ahh, the dreaded first love..

Do you remember your first love? The good memory's and possibly the bad?

Memories of my first love came rushing back to me this last week when I received a call from an old friend of mine, who was just dumped by her first.

Everything she said she was going through, sounded all too familiar. (Made me realize how glad I am that it's not me in that position!!)
I have to believe that everyone's first loves help "create" who they become in life. Makes them realize not only what they want in a possible marriage or next relationship, but also what they refuse to go through again. Good things to learn for forming a stable and caring relationship, dontcha think?

You see it in movies all the time, boy meets girl, they fall hopelessly in love, are inseperable for years, and then, for one reason or another, they stop talking. (Sometimes they do end up back together, but let's face it, this is Hollywood we're talking about here.)

I'm fascinated with stories about people falling in love, how they met, who courted who, and how it finally ended up. My favorite is hearing these stories from seniors who have been married for 40+ years. It's so romantic to hear how different things were in the 30's and 40's, in regards to courtship. Quite different from how it is today.

I think once you get past the heartache of it all, it's kinda fun to look back at your first love with fond memories. (Now, running into that person somewhere unexpectadly, that's a whole different story!)

My goal with my friend, is to take her out to new places and have her meet new people and do new things. These things, in my opinion, are the best medicine for any heartache.

A beautiful day in Seattle!!

I find myself being so cheerful and carefree today. It's absolutly gorgeous here! On my way to work this morning, coming over the 520 bridge I had one of the most gorgeous views of what looked like a harvest moon, surrounded by a pink and purple sky.

What a perfect way to start my day! Then I get to work and I look out on the water, from my desk and see all these sailboats going by. You don't see a day like this in Seattle very often, i'm going to make the most out of it.

Yup, there is definitly a good feeling in the air today, and I have to say I feel like a little kid!

The cosmos hate me..

I am someone who believes in Astrology. Every January I always look up my horoscope for the new year, just to prepare myself for what i'll be in for.
Normally, it says something along the lines of; "You will meet someone special around April" or "If you're looking to purchase a house or car, February is the month to do it."

Not this year. This year I get: "You will be mentally disturbed until November 23rd."

Are you kidding me?! Is this a prank?
After reading this, I actually felt mentally disturbed....

Makes me laugh the more I think about it.
Does it mean i'll just be bitter all year, or should I start looking into local mental hospitals?

Here is my take on this disturbing situation:
I've always been a very cheerful person. I like to make people happy and say hi in the halls. I try to look at the glass half full, instead of half empty, and hope that others will follow my lead.
Maybe we all start out that way, and after being in a city like Seattle, start to build a sort of "sarcastic barrier".
I wonder what the ratio would be of cheerful people who wear a genuine smile compared to just plain- tired and cranky people, and what is the in between?
I've been thinking this for that last few days, and now have a new found respect for all those women I thought were just cranky or overly sarcastic.
I'm sure when they were 20 years old, they were very cheerful and thought they could do anything in our big world.
Then they had their first love and loss. Lost contact with people who were once their BFF. Learned how sleazy and cheap some men can be. And learned how to rely on only themselves.
It's not their fault at all that they've ended up this way!

So the cosmos may say "mentally disturbed", I say I'm pretty freakin normal.

Where did you think you'd be in 5 years?

My good friend Stephanie and I get together every Sunday for our "Steph and Britt Day".
We sit around and drink wine, eat good food and watch chick flicks.
Yesterday, we were sitting around watching "Romie and Michelle's High School Reunion" and reminicing about our High School days as we flipped through her old yearbooks.

One thought went through my head as we sat there: "Wow, I never would have thought this is where i'd be 5 years after graduating. Isn't it funny where life takes you?"

In highschool we all try to morph ourselves into what is "popular" or "cool"
I'm finally (thank goodness) at the stage in my life where I'm happy just being myself, and if I know someone doesn't like who I am and what I stand for, well then I don't really need them as a friend.

I used to see all the popular girls walk around with their blonde hair and cheer outfits, and I wanted to model myself after them. Would I need a nose job? Boob job? I can save up for that!

Thank God I grew out of that one!
From all the things that have happened to me over the last 5 years, I have become such a better person than I ever thought I could be.

I assumed I would still be managing tanning salons and going out to the clubs, own a brand new car, live in some sweet condo in Kirkland, date some gorgeous guy and get married by 25...... wow was I wrong. But lately I've realized that's not a bad thing at all! Instead here I am working for this great company, with brilliant people, and doing all these things I never thought I would. I'm happy with where I am.

Where did you think you'd be 5 years after graduation? Are happy with where you really ended up? What would you have done differently?

Whatever happened to fairytales?

Have you heard of the movie "Pan's Labyrinth?"
It wasn't hugely advertised, and hardly anyone has heard of it, but if you get a chance, GO SEE IT. It's gotten absolutly amazing reviews already, look it up on Hollywood.com or Rottontomatoes.com. (If Rotton Tomatoes says its good, you know it's worth paying for at the theatres.)
The reason I was so eager to see this movie, is because I am a huge fan fairytales and princesses meeting their prince- they always make me remember what it was like to be a kid and see the world through different eyes.
I love stories like Alice in Wonderland. The young girl (who by the way, was actually written to be a brunette... interesting...) who becomes bored with the real world, and dreams of a place she can escape to, and make new friends, talk to a smoking caterpillar and sing with flowers.
If you enjoy these types of stories, you'll like this movie.

It's not all flowers and butterflies, however.
This is more of a modern, adult, dark fairytale... with a good amount of graphic violence... so definately don't take the kids to this one.

This movie made me wonder: What happened to us? Why don't we believe in fairytales anymore? Are we all so grown up and busy that we can't use our imagination and have fun with it?
Whenever I go to Disneyland, I become a completely different person. I'm a kid in a candy store and I don't care who knows it! I have a Little Mermaid purse as well as an Alice in Wonderland one. Sure, I may only get compliments from 2 year old girls, (Which made me seriously think about purchasing a Dooney and Burke..) but it's something that makes me genuinly happy so I really don't care what anyone thinks about it!

Fairytales make me happy, I just wish more people would appreciate them.

P.S. I totally have a Little Mermaid watch too. Oh yeah- I already know how cool I am.

To: Airline and Hotel Staff!

Do you all have no soul? Did you grow up under a rock and learn your ABC's from a caterpillar smoking a hooka? DO YOU JUST ACT THIS WAY TO PISS EVERYONE OFF FOR YOUR ENTERTAINMENT? To the women who work at Hooters Hotel and Casino: Just because you have a big rack and get your teeth whitened every week, doesn't mean you have the right to talk down to the rest of us! To the woman who works at reservations at this hotel- There is a reason you are not working out in the restaurant serving drinks and makin big tips, even your phone skills are poor, and you're not fooling anyone by telling them you work at Hooters. I'm onto you.

Don't get me wrong, I love the work I do here at Impart, but you have to admit that call center specialists at Expedia, United, Alaskaair, Cheaptickets, and every airline except Jetblue and Frontier should not be legally allowed to work in the real world.

Some days I can make humor out of their stupidity... today is not one of those days.

Have we all forgotten our manners?

I'm sure that the majority of us were taught basic manners growing up. If this is the case, why does society not use them as much as we used to?

I can't tell you how many times in a day I think to myself "Wow, that person needs to learn some manners!"

If you look back at Emily Post's etiquette books, you'll see exactly what I mean. Have we all forgotten our proper ettiquette? And 20 years down then road, is the situation only going to get worse?

I was shopping at Target yesterday, getting some cat food and hangers and such, and it seems like I was always the one to to say "Oh I'm sorry, excuse me!", even when i wasn't the one at fault! And the part that gets me the most, is even when i say that, they don't crack a smile, don't slow down, they just keep walking as if they're too important for such things. Everyone is just sooooo darn busy, that they can't take a second to lighten up and and put on a friendly face? That just seems crazy to me.

Again, walking down the aisle at Target yesterday (let's just say I wasn't having the best day) and this woman is walking towards me, pushing her cart, with 3 kids by her side. I have a cart as well, and I was assuming she would say something like "Oh kids, watch out for this lady, please move out of the way." Oh no, she just didn't really give a crap. I actually found myself pushing my cart to the side so these stupid little brats could take up the whole aisle. I'm not talking like one of the aisles up and down the store, I'm talkin the BIG aisles that connect the smaller ones.

Come on lady! I know how it is to walk around with several kids in a store, trust me i do. But you're their mother, how else are they going to learn manners if you don't even realize you're being rude. You're the adult, it's your job to teach manners to your children.

I bet you 10 years down the road, i'll be in a store and one of those little brats will cut me off and not say a damn thing. I'll freaking put money on it.

I think we should all invest in some reading material, and remember that we are civilized people. So let's grow up and act like it!!!!

Some books that may be helpful:

1. Emily Post's Etiquette by Peggy Post

2. Business Class: Etiquette essentials for success at work by Jacqueline Whitmore

3. Better than Beauty: A guide to charm by Emily I. Gondor

4. How to be a lady: A contemparary guide to common courtesy by Candace Simpson Giles