Alzheimer's Association Memory Walk 2007

So I found out about 2 years ago that my Grandma was in Stage 2 or 3 of Alzheimer's Disease. Well, it's 2 years later, and she's now in stage 6. It moved fairly quickly with her. My grandpa took care of her as long he could on his own, but we now have her in an Alzheimer's home in Wenatchee, close to my Uncle. I saw her for Appleblossom in Wentachee, in May. She wasn't doing well. Didn't remember my sisters husband, didn't remember me graduating from Highschool (5 years ago), and was barely eating. I went to see her with my mother, about a month ago, in her new home. I braced myself as much as I could, knowing it would be difficult to see her in such a state that I wasn't used to seeing her in. I did ok as we walked in. The minute I saw her, and saw how happy she was to see us, I burst into tears. I tried to hide it from her, since I didn't want to upset her, but it was difficult to hold back. She was scared to be in there, and was asking my mom and I if we were there to take her home. She was walking around with a picture of her and my grandpa, tucked into the top of her shirt. I could tell she hated being there, and was scared to be alone.

This is probably one the of saddest moments of my life, to see my grandma scared and knowing I could do nothing about it. My mom and I made the most of our visit with her. Had her give us a tour of the facility, and had her play some interactive games with the other residents. At first she wouldn't play, saying "Oh no, Honey, I never play. I prefer to just watch." My mom came back quickly with, "Mom, we're not leaving until you play one game!"

I told her I'd play with her. They were playing some lawn dart game, where the resident was asked to throw the soft toy dart at a cloth dart board, on the floor. Once she started playing, she got into it. Dancing, doing the hokey pokey and whooping butt! It was nice to see her having fun, and not crying.

I vowed that I would visit her as much as I could this year, since she's moving quickly through the disease.

Since I can't be up there as much as I would like to be, I wanted to find a way to help out from here. I found the Alzheimer's Association online, and stumbled accross their 2007 Alzheimer's Association Memory Walk, and knew I had to sign up.

I'm doing this walk to help raise money for a cure for Alzheimer's Disease. Watching someone close to you go through this, is one of the hardest things to go through, and I want to do evrything I can so that others will never have to go through it.

If you would like to help a great cause, please go to my website and sponsor me. This fundraiser means a lot to me and my family, so you're help is greatly appreciated.

Thanks, Guys.

Won't do it anymore

Craig called me lastnight. I had just woken up from a nap, and wasn't sure if I should answer it or not. I answered it. (I'm such a sucker) He didn't even mention the other night at his work. He asked me to come see him tonight at his work and come get a drink. I told him I probably wouldn't be coming in anymore, and explained how uncomfortable I was the other night. I know that he feels bad about all this, and I know he's really disappointed as well.. so I can't really be mad at him. But it still hurts to know that even though we had this awesome chemistry (twice!) it still would never work as long as she's around and calling him for help. Example: 4th of July, I had told him about a week prior that I was going rafting down the Snoqualmie River and that if he didn't have anything else to do, he should come with cause it's so much fun. He said he may come, but I never heard a final verdict. I thought it would have been nice to see him and spend time with him again. After rafting, I noticed I had a missed call from him. I called him back, and for some reason he told me he had to call me back in a few. Never heard from him again that night. Why, you ask? Turns out, when I called him, he was actually at the hospital with Eleana, because she had drank too much alchohol, and her friend called Craig. Of course he's the only person in the area who cares about her enough to take care of her. My take on this: He's told me several times that she wants to get back together with him. He's been upfront with both her and I by saying that he does not want to get back together with her. My thought is that she knows he and I want something, and she also knows that he still cares about her to the point of being there whenever she needs someone. She's old enough to know when to stop drinking. I bet you she was pounding beers and thinking "It's ok if I get too drunk, Craig can always take care of me" and that pisses me off. She is literally the block between me and Craig having anything. And the worst part about it, is she is telling him "how bad she feels for me, that I have been put in the middle of this, and I seem like suuuch a sweet girl- she feels she should write me a heart felt letter appologizing because i don't deserve any of this" Craig told me about this letter she wants to write, when I was talking to him last night. I calmly told him to pass along the message that I'd rather if she didn't write me a note, that i'm just tired of it all, and I think the best thing for me to do to help the situation is to take a step back and let them work out their stuff. This of course, sucks for me, but such is life.

We ended the conversation lastnight with him saying "Well, anytime you want to come visit me, please don't hesitate, I really would love to see you again." In which I responded "Ok, thanks. I'll talk to ya sometime."

Ahhhh the joys of the single world.

Remember that "Good Guy"?

And remember how last time it didn't work out because his ex had issues, and he wanted to help her?? Well i'm suddenly feeling a bit of deja vu.
She, once again, is going through some tough stuff.. (Convenient.) and he once again cannot have anything with me becuase he needs to be there for her and it wouldn't be fair to me.

Am I being cursed for something?? I really feel like this is just plain unfair. It's unfair that he would do this to me again, because now that it's happened twice.. I don't think I could do it again. Here's what really toppped all of this off. I worked late last night, then went to his work to visit him and get a drink. (He's a bartender.) I'm sitting there, it's kinda awkward after him saying he really likes me but can't have anything... but we're still chatting and enjoying each others company.. Then the door opens... and in walks...... his ex.
My heart sank. He says some crap like "Look at me, i'm being so rude.. Elena, this is Brittany, Brittany, this is Elena." We both did the "Hi, nice to meet you" (Even though you know I'm not a fan of you)
Well, as much as I wanted to, I couldn't just leave, that would be too obvious. So I sat there, and tried to act normal. I couldn't help but notice that she was literally staring at me half the time! It had to have been one of the most uncomfortable and dissapointing moments I've had lately.
I finished my drink, and calmly said "Ok Craig, I gotta go, Stephanie is waiting for me, we're going to go see a movie" He looked concerned, and i'm sure he felt bad. He tried talking me into having "just one more glass of wine" but I insisted that I had to get going. Calmly walked out, got into the elevator, and just starting crying. Did he know she was going to be there? Was this his plan?

I cried all the way home, and started to feel sick to my stomach. I assumed he would call or text me asking if I was ok with what all happened, but nothing. Still haven't heard from him. I'm not calling him either, I'm just going to let it be. They are obviously still talking and I wouldn't want to get involved in their confusing mess.

All in all, not a good night. Still feel sick thinking about it today.

I need a drink.

A note to women everywhere..

I went in to my favorite consinement shop, Platos Closet, over the weekend, since I hadn't been there in a few weeks, I knew there had to be tons of new clothes brought in!

I always have a great shopping experience there, the employees are friendly and always remember me when I come in. One male in particular is always so sweet to me, this cute gay guy who looooves his clothes. So I'm shopping, tried on maybe 15 things, found what I wanted and I'm ready to check out. There's a new girl at the checkout counter. I'd say she was probably about 19 years old. Seemed friendly enough as she stamped my frequent shopper card. But it's what she said as she was handing me my bag, that turned my great shopping experience sour.

"Here you are Hon."

Did she just call me hon??? How old is she? 19?

My thoughts:

If you are going to call someone anything along the lines of honey or hon.... you better be older than me, with more life experience, otherwise, it's like you're talking down to me, and I won't be a fan of you.

A note to women everywhere, please consider this when talking to another woman. It may save you from making an enemy when you least expect it.