To my creepy pervo neighbor

I don't like you. You look like someone who bathes once a week and watches porno 5 times a day. Just the thought of what you do one room away from my bedroom makes me want to gag.
Your daily visits to the pool during the summer aren't fooling anyone. You're white as a ghost and never bring any reading material with you. It's obvious to all the young girls why you go there. Just because you're wearing 1980's Tom Cruise sunglasses doesn't mean we magically can't see where you're looking. You are freaking creepy, thus is why you always sit alone and us girls stay a mile a way from you in fear that you will try to spark up a conversation.
Speaking of girls, I'm still in shock that you managed to get a girlfriend this last fall who is somewhat decent looking! How did you do it? You must keep the lights very dim in your apt. That must be your secret. Well kudos to you, creepy pervo neighbor, she's a real catch!
I also feel that I must tell you this- being that your bedroom is right next to mine, and that our cute little apartment complex was obviously built on a budget, I can hear EVERYTHING you say. I've very clearly heard conversations with your girlfriend (still in shock...) about you two contemplating anal sex.
I mean, discussing doing it, the pros, the cons.. the works. I could have happily lived my whole life without hearing that detailed discussion.
I've tried everything. Banging on the wall with my straightener, yelling "shut the hell up" into the wall, you've even forced me out of bed at 3:30 in the morning while your young bubbly girlfriend hooped and hollered at some new toy you bought. As if that wasn't bad enough, when I stormed over to your door in my pjs and mess of a hair, you answered the door in only your bed sheets.
Oh my God, could you be any creepier.

Also, please don't talk to my friends that come over, you're creeping them out now too.
"Hey man, you going in there? There's some freaking hot girls that live there!" ....Little did you know you were actually saying that to my boyfriend at the time. Smart. Real smart, creepy pervo neighbor.

You can bet that if I'm ever in need of a cup of sugar or flour, I will NOT be knocking on your door.

Congrats again on your new relationship, I hope she sticks around for a little bit before running for the hills.